Visited my ama* in the hospital today (the one who's gonna be 100 yrs old) and she just looked so fragile and weak, I wanted to cry. Everyone was saying that she's doing so much better than when she was at home but I just realized how much I love ama even though I don't spend much time with her. I had this out of body experience (which I get a lot now a days) and felt what it was like to not be me, for her not to be my ama and I just felt a whole new level of amazement and awe. I mean, to live her life the way she did, having 9 children and idek how many grandchildren, great grandchildren, great great grandchildren. I thought of how lucky I was to belong to a family like that. I love ama even if I don't say it much and I can't imagine a life without her.
*ama means grandmother in Chinese
n. [Brit. wallesia] a condition characterized by scanning faces in a crowd looking for a specific person who would have no reason to be there, which is your brain’s way of checking to see whether they’re still in your life, subconsciously patting its emotional pockets before it leaves for the day.
